Can we ever be free?

I hate my work, I hate that someone controls your action and forbid you from taking days off without any knowledge or logic, I hate how I cannot go bring my wife from the airport in Cairo, I hate feeling helpless sometimes and may be this is why I am considering working for others a temporary phase.
I am thrilled to rejoin my family again after two weeks of travel, I feel I missed them very much, I feel it even hurt a bit in my heart when I thought of them, never thought I will be attached to my family this way, it seams that love hurts as they say.
When they arrived to Cairo, we had lots of phone calls and lots of talk but I missed seeing and feeling them, I missed returning home and relaxing between the two of them, between their laughs and screams, their happiness and sorrows, I miss living through them my pour little life.
When can we earn our freedom? When can we break these chains? When can we live life, as it should without fear or worry?
Is it attainable in this life? Is it ever attainable? Are we prisoners of our fears or habits or customs or standard of living? Are we materialistic to this extend without even noticing? People should fight for their freedom to be earned one day; they should fight to be free from chains of a certain life style and luxurious standards of living needs.
They should search for what really brings happiness to their hearts and set it as a goal instead of running after smoky globalization ideas.
I read a wise story about life two days ago, a philosopher wanted to teach some of his students about life and how misguided we could live through it.
He offered them different shapes and colours of cups of tea, and waited for them to choose, and after finishing the tea, he sat calmly and began his analysis.
They all took time to choose the nicest cup from all cups and then they spend some other time looking to each other’s cups without even noticing it was the same tea in each cup, forgetting to even enjoy this simple cup of tea.
Life is just like the tea in the cup, and many things we fight for in life are just the cup itself, although you can enjoy your tea in any cup regardless its size or colour or price, but some people spend their life time not enjoying any thing of life just to bring a certain cup they searched for.
You realize then that the quality of the tea in the cup is much important from the quality of the cup itself and you have to enjoy your cup of tea before it is too late.
You try to make something of your life; you try to put a value to your actions, you try to fulfil your destiny and you try to make people around you and your beloved ones as happy as you can just to bring a value or a meaning out of your whole life.

Mothers Arguments

It is early morning, a very calm day for me, am at office but I feel exhausted, the weather is marvellous today with a warm sun and some chilly wind, it is better than your dreams, a strange feeling between enthusiasm and hope and may be a bit of Sleep Lake.
I began my day with a very strange quote in my calendar, a weird sentence first time for me to read, it says: “Hell is forbidden on those who are tender, easy going and peaceful”
It pushed my mind to process ideas, It made me think, it kind of moved me in a way, it was never easy to be kind and easy going and peaceful with people it took some hard self control and temper management just to smile to people in this daily stress and the speedy life style.
Trying to occupy myself instead of that continuous thinking about my family, I organized a barbeque party tonight in Kreir, I hope it succeed from the organization part, it will be difficult to arrange all these people and all this needs.
Had a strange phone call today from my mother, normally in my week schedule, I spend Fridays with my family and it worked until this week, when she announces on the phone, she is not satisfied with one day in the week, she needs another day and I should arrange my time in any suitable way.
We argued about me working day and night and her busy schedule with her friends, her work and my father, but all this argument failed in a dramatic way and she replied that I should arrange myself or she will get angry with me and subject closed, I will have to rearrange my schedule then, poor me.
My mother the last dilemma in my life, the only person I am still confused about, the only person I rather hate and love to talk with in the same time, she is the only person that never loose it.
With us, and here I mean me and my brothers and all her big family, she is always the guardian, the advisor, the ultimate right person, the one you will have to justify yourself in front of and the one who will always accept only what is right despite any other logic.
I always wished she could be one of us, I always wished I could talk to her like a normal human being, I always wished she could understand how much I need to just talk and tell what I have in my heart with her, without worries or fear of being misjudged or misunderstood.
Mothers the hidden angels in people’s life, the unstoppable care and fear about your life and future and the caring breath you get from life. The one who will not ever give up on you, the one who will love you despite what you did or will do in life, although I have a tough strong mother but I adore her more than any person in my life now.
In the middle of all these strong feelings she is used to give, she never found time to chat or to talk about life, about what she feels or think, may be about nothing, just normal talk, may be by time this lost conversation between us will eventually take place.
In the middle of all this angry tone of voice and the enthusiasm to express her opinions in what I am doing in my life or what I should do.
In the middle of the long arguments and just when I feel I am getting angry, I just remember her will, I just remember why she fights me, I just remember why she is mad of me, which brings me down.
She always wanted what is best for me and she never accepts from me less than that, she is fighting me just for my own benefit, just for my own sake, it is a blessing in our lives we never realize until it is too late.
God bless my mother and all the lovely kind mothers all over the world.

Lonely Thoughts, May 2009

* What a day, waking up late this Saturday, my relaxing day of the week, alone in house, with my TV and laptop, had my morning cup of Nescafe as usual, and was enjoying a good relaxing mood, nothing was disturbing me except the idea that I am alone and away of my family.
*It is very different when you choose to stay alone for sometime because you need some rest or peace of mind and when you are forced to be alone for sometime with no choice at all, it sometimes hurts.
*It needs you some time alone and some relaxation to realize these simple facts in life, when you think about your life and others lives around you, you begin to realize and see things.
*Who is not living at least with two characters in his life, who is totally honest with the himself and with his beloved ones, who don’t lie from time to time, who can simply deny his humanity.
*When you were young you used to lie because of fear, then by time you grow and begin to lie because of social issues, then you get older and lie only to your beloved ones in order not to hurt them, and finally you realize that no one deserves to be lied to and you end up not lying at all to any one as you should have did from the start.
*I feel confused and sad, for two weeks before my family departure I felt I couldn’t get enough of them, tried to give them more time and to stay with them as much as I could but this hunger didn’t stop and I miss them now more than ever, silly stupid emotions.
*A strange combination of contradictory feelings, you cannot enjoy life as you should when they are not around and you cannot enjoy life as you should when they are around, simple realization then you should enjoy life in a different way to suite your new way of living.
*I am heading some major changes in my daily job, some worries and some fears of the new administration, people are getting ready and others just lost hope in any changes, I always have some hope in life and no one can take that from me, not even some fool French people.
*Planning to spend next week end in Kreir, to enjoy some sun and some sea and to get away of my daily routine, I invited my brothers to join me, may be it would get me out of this sad lonely mood.
*I think the summer weather and mood has a big influence on me, I think half of my bad mood is due to this fact, I hate summer, hate hot weather, hate sweat and shining burning sun, and it seams like a very hot summer this year.
* ”As if women could love a man because he is good” one sentence that hanged in my head from yesterday, said by Emma Watson in a weird movie yesterday, she meant that women love naughty guys more than good guys, good for me then.